A Christmas Story of Awards

It's that time of year again folks, time for my annual, traditional, once-a-year, yuletide Christmas Story of Awards. Time to take a step back in time to the 1940's or maybe even early 1950's - no one really knows. Time to rejoin the Parkers for yet another quirky 24 hours of a Christmas Story. Here at PhiladelphiaVoice we will take a look back on the year in sports, more specifically Philadelphia sports. So drink your cup of Ovaltine and enjoy: A Christmas Story of Awards.

The Broken Leg Lamp Award

This one goes to Flyers General Manager, Paul Holmgren. You traded draft picks, 19-year-old defenseman Luca Sbisa, and power play extraordinaire Joffrey Lupol for what appeared to be a healthy, dynamic 36-year-old defenseman in Chris Pronger. So you seem a bit surprised when your major addition plays like - surprise! - a 36-year-old defenseman. Pronger was brought into Philadelphia to be the puck-clearing defenseman that could put a body on Sidney Crosby and provide the necessary leadership to get the Flyers over the proverbial hump. Whoops. What happens when you place your entire season on an aging defenseman? Derian Hatcher all over again - that's what happens. Only with a 7 year contract instead of a 4 year contract. After spending a few days glowing in the window in the earlier parts of the season, the leg came crashing down. The Flyers are 0-3 against Crosby and the defending champs and the Kid has tallied goals in the past two games. So much for shut down defenseman.

The Aunt Clara's Bunny Costume Award

Cole Hamels - step on up! After enjoying all the honors that come with being World Series MVP - TV commercials, Late Night appearances, being heralded as the next "big thing," Cole Hamels. Another new situation in his life - reality star wife, Heidi Hamels. After reading an article in Sports Illustrated called "The Fabulous Life of Cole Hamels," my dad subsequently decided that his career was at least temporarily put aside. And boy, was he right. Hamels' new wife might has well have forced a pink bunny costume on Hamels because some of the comments that he made and the way he behaved were more like the way you'd expect a SoCal 25-year-old to act, not the World Series MVP. We were treated to rolled ankles that lead to frustration and thrown gloves. Struggles on the field that allllmost went away but came crashing back with home run ball after home run ball. Hamels behaved like the ultimate pink bunny when he expressed his desire for the season to "just end already" during the middle of the World Series. All that being said, I expect Hamels to step out of Aunt Clara's pink bunny suit in 'oh-ten. After all, the dude is only 25 and on the Phillies - life can't be that easy all the time right?

The You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Award

Last year Andre Iguodala was the recipient of this unfortunate award. This year he has the honor passing it to - himself! That's right ladies and gents! The first ever two-time award winner. Andre has the distinction of leading the team with the 3rd-worst record in the NBA. He has refrained from making any of his teammates better. Is it ever a good sign for the future when your star player puts up less than 15 points in a game through a quarter of the games in a season? (Let's not mention Elton Brand...) Iguodala's field goal percentage is the worst of his entire NBA career, and his three point percentage is his third-worst. Not very inspiring. So grab that Official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time, and get to work Andre!

The Ooohhh Fudge Award

Chase Utley and his potty mouth were a perfect fit for this award last year. This year it goes to none other than Gary Matthews Sr. Sarge got a little off topic during a Phillies radio broadcast. I'll leave the laughs to you.

The Scut Farkus Affair Award

To the Philadelphia Eagles, for rising up against the NFL playoff system and sneaking in at 9-6-1. After crushing teams for years, it turned out that a 9 win season and a tie against the lowly Bengals was enough to propel the Eagles to the NFC Championship game. Way to triumph over the NFL playoff system Eagles! Just don't get too far after the Championship game.

The It's a beautifulturkey, it really is, but it's smiling at me Award

The Bumpass's Dogs Award and the But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE! Award

The Philadelphia Phillies. While returning to the World series for a second straight year can be considered a successful season, all the pride and glory was snatched away by those neighbors to the north, the New York Yankees. After a 1-0 series lead thanks to a beautiful Cliff Lee performance to be remembered for the ages, the Bronx Bombers put on a show with their bats. They tore Cole Hamels to shreds, put a fitting end to Brad Lidge's season, and tore Pedro a new one in game 6. So close, and ripped away. Let's not deprive the Old Man of his turkey this year fellas. Remember how good that turkey tasted in '08? A second helping in three years would be nice.

The Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra Award

To Arron Asham and Chan Ho Park

The Santa Boot in The Face Award

To Cliff Lee. Thanks for those memorable games in late July, August, and September. And, oh yeah, those wins in October and the complete game against the Yankees in Game 1 of the World Series was nice too. Bye!

Happy Holidays everyone!

Week 16 NFL Picks

Home team in CAPS

San Diego over TENNESSEE

HOTLANTA over Buffalo

CINCI over Kansas City

Oakland over CLEVELAND

GREEN BAY over Seattle

PITTSBURGH over Baltimore

MIAMI over Houston

NEW ENGLAND over Jacksonville

NAAAAHLINS over Tampa

Carolina over NY GIANTS

SAN FRAN over Detriot

ARIZONA over St. Louis

INDY over NY Jets

EAGLES over Denver

Dallas over WASHINGTON

CHICAGO over Minnesota

Season: 145 - 76

**Check out the new poll**

Week 15 NFL Picks

I am currently in Vermont and want to get out on the slopes sooner rather than later, so my picks today are for history's sake rather than mine and your entertainment value.

Indy over JACKSONVILLE

NAAAAHHHLINS over Dallas

New England over BUFFALO

Arizona over DETROIT

TENNESSEE over Miami

KC over Cleveland

Houston over ST. LOUIS

NY JETS over Hotlanta

DENVER over Oakland

SAN DIEGO over Cinci

Tampa Bay over SEATTLE

BALTIMORE over Chicago

IGGLES over San Fran

(thank you for the 4:15 start snowstorm!)

PITTSBURGH over Green Bay

Minnesota over CAROLINA

NY GIANTS over Washington

Season: 134 - 71

Week 14 NFL Picks

Well the holiday that explains all miracles, Hanukkah, certainly falls at an opportune time for the Birds this year. The last game at Giants Stadium would certainly seem like a perfect opportunity to repeat the Miracle at the Meadowlands and effectively sever the Giants playoff hopes. We will get to that prediction in just a little bit. First let's get to my Week 14 NFL (a.k.a. the start of fantasy playoffs) picks.

Pittsburgh over CLEVELAND

Yet another wrong Thursday night pick. Isn't it time to abandon this whole Thursday Night Football thing? No one looks forward to watching these games, it hurts teams that need normal rest towards the end of the season, and I get almost every one of them wrong. This needs to end.

Naaaaahlins over Atlanta

We saw what the Falcons did without their starting QB and running back, and now their best pass rusher in Justin Babineaux was charged with possessing 1 and 1/2 ounces of the finest Hotlanta herb. Not exactly inspiring for a potential playoff team? This is the game that finally ends their back-to-back playoff dreams.

Green Bay over CHICAGO

The Packers are finally rounding into form while the Bears are surprisingly only 5-7. That has to be somewhat inspiring given Jay Cutler's Jake Delhommeian achievement, carrying more interceptions than touchdowns into Week 14.

TAMPA BAY over NY Jets

Not really an upset since the Jets will be starting Kellen Clemens for the first time since 2007.

Miami over JACKSONVILLE

MoJoDrew seems like he's dropped off the face of the earth huh? I see a return of his fantasy impact this week despite a convincing W by Chad Henne and co.

BALTIMORE over Detroit

Make or break game for Baltimore's withering playoff hopes. I say it's make.

HOUSTON over Seattle

Thank the football gods that there is fantasy football or I doubt anyone would think to watch this one.

INDY over Denver

This loss should make for a very interesting AFC wildcard picture. I think it gets even more interesting in the manner in which the Broncos will lose. After today they will not appear deserving of a playoff spot.

Buffalo over KC

And the winner for "Weekly Worst Game of the Week" goes to...

MINNESOTA over Cinci

I'd pick this to be an upset if the visiting team wasn't called the Cincinnati Bengals.

NEW ENGLAND over Carolina

Who would have thought that the AFC East would be the definition of Mediocre. After the Steelers' stream of horrendous gut-check performances this year, I don't think any legendary team or coach is safe. Given that, I think the Patriots eek this one out.

Oakland over WASHINGTON

Don't bet against the Raiders at home against another bad team.

TENNESSEE over St. Louis

Another dominating win by Vince Young even though he'll look like crap in doing so.

San Diego over DALLAS

Come on fantasy players on San Diego! (Rivers, Kaeding, Defense, LT) unless I make further adjustments

Eagles over NY GIANTS

The dominance continues. The Eagles secondary is too good for Eli. The Eagles receivers are too good for the Giants' secondary. Giants O-line is hurting, Eagles linebackers seem to be forming some continuity. The only thing that can stand in the Eagles way of victory is the wind and rain that will surely douse the stadium and potentially David Akers' kicks.

Arizona over SAN FRAN

The Cardinals are peaking at the right time. This is not a team anyone wants to play come playoff time.

Season: 122 - 67

Keep an eye out for my annual Christmas Story of Awards to come in the next week.

**Check out the new poll**

Week 13 NFL Picks

After the most compelling week in Philadelphia sports in the past month, the Eagles have received zero attention despite a very lame two-game winning streak. The return of Allen Iverson and Placido Polanco coupled with the Flyers firing their 56th coach since Terry Murray has left very little room for any Eagles-Falcons talk. To be honest, I haven't thought about it even once other than the devastating news that Desean Jackson is out for my fantasy team.

So without further ado, Week 13 is upon us.

(Home team in CAPS)

NY Jets over BUFFALO

Told you Mark Sanchez sucks. Everyone loved him after 2 weeks but it was only too plain to see that HE LEFT COLLEGE TOO EARLY AND HE PLAYS FOR THE JETS. Duh.

Eagles over HOTLANTA

No Matt Ryan or Michael Turner makes the Falcons a very dull boy, er - team. Despite Hotlanta's perfect record at home, it would be an enormous upset if they can defeat the Eagles. Jason Avant has picked his game up, proving that he was the right choice over Hank Baskett. No Desean does add a little shake-up to an inconsistent offense, but Brent Celek is due for a big game isn't he? And Shady McCoy has looked more dominant each week.

CHICAGO over St. Louis

Jay Cutler is a spoiled baby.

CINCINNATI over Detroit

I am a big believer in "if you have never been good, there is no truth to your supposed "good" record right now. Yes, I am picking the Bengals, but it will be ugly. No team where 1 in ever 5 players has been charged with a felon should ever win in a division with the Steelers and Ravens.

PITTSBURGH over Oakland

After the Steelers last Super Bowl victory they failed to make it back to the playoffs. Looking like we may see a repeat performance.

INDY over Tennessee

Vince Young is riding high, but if anyone can steal the spotlight from him it is Peyton Manning. He has found a way to completely steal the moment in any NFL game, that is when he is not too bothered by Justin Timberlake's googly eyes.

Denver over KC

Kansas City has a slight gleam of hope after winning 2 out of their last 3. Denver had a dominating win over the Giants, but hey - Eli Manning will probably be out for the season after the G-Men lose their next few games. This is a meaningless game in the end, because Denver will finish a win or two short of the playoffs. Josh McDaniels' enthusiasm is cute though.

New England over MIAMI

I recently realized that Tom Brady has the same chin dimple as Andy Pettitte. The only reason I know this? Because whenever either of them is on TV, the HD really feels the need to zoom in on their faces every opportunity they get.

Naaaahlins over WASHINGTON

Is there any way that we won't see a Colts - Saints Super Bowl? It really doesn't look like any single team could really stand in the way of this happening. It will be sad to see how bad the Eagles are when the Saints tear apart the Redskins, a team the Eagles beat by 3. But hey - a win's a win.

Tampa over CAROLINA

No Deangelo Williams and a continuation of the Jake Delhomme era doesn't leave a lot of hope for the Panthers' future. I look for a letdown against the Bucco's this weekend.

Houston over JACKSONVILLE

Houston has to win an important game sometime don't they?

San Diego over CLEVELAND

The Chargers are the only team that can challenge the Colts in the AFC, but that is only if LT stays healthy. He hasn't played in the playoffs seemingly in years, can he make it this year?

NY GIANTS over Dallas

One last win for the Giants before it all comes crumbling down. This also creates a very big mish-mash atop the NFC East with confusing tie-breakers and match-ups still left to be played against each of the three teams.

San Fran over SEATTLE

The Niners' last chance to save their season with a potential division-taking game with the Cardinals next week. Put up or shut up Mr. Singletary.

Minnesota over ARIZONA

Yet another road win this week, bringing my grand total to 10 road wins this week. Don't know if I've ever done that. The-Quarterback-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named continues his MVP campaign.

GREEN BAY over Baltimore

Interesting Monday Night game isn't it? Two playoff hopefuls from different conferences in a very important game for both teams' seasons. A great young quarterback matchup. Home team wins this one.

Season: 112-61

**Check out the poll**

The Call

No, not The Backstreet Boys' 2001 hit song.

No, not Babe Ruth's called shot in the 1932 World Series.

Not even Ed Stefanski's call to agent Leon Rose asking if a certain free agent was interested in a place called home.

This call, my friends, was a call made by yours truly on Saturday, November 28th at 12:09 P.M. The recipient of the call? Well, technically an automated system. But the eventual recipient was Brian, a ticket salesman working for the Philadelphia 76ers. The Sixers... remember them? They run up and down a court with a basketball and actually play right here in Philadelphia! Whats that? They don't sound familiar? I don't blame you, I don't see how anybody could pay much attention these days. Ranking second-to-last in attendance for the 2009-2010 season is the result of a pretty thrill-less team.

Here's an actual transcript of my little chit-chat with Brian.

Brian: This is the 76ers box office, my name is Brian how may I help you?

Zach: Hey Brian, how's it going? (I'm genuine, what can I say?)

Brian: Uh (obviously not expecting my bona fide sincerity), good. Yourself?

Zach: Can't complain. I'm actually calling for one reason. I want to buy tickets to a Sixers game, but only if you guys sign Allen Iverson.

Brian: Oh, well do you want to buy some tickets now in case they sign him?

Zach: No, I have no interest in the Sixers right now. I can guarantee you though, that if the Sixers re-sign Iverson, I will buy tickets. If you happen to talk to the front office tell them that. I'm dead serious.

Brian: Ok, can I write down your name and number?

Zach: Zach Leon, 215 603 8925. Hope to hear from you soon.

Let's flash forward to today, Wednesday, December 2nd at 3:30 PM.

(I'm sitting in an appointment with my advisor)

Zach: Can't I petition to have that class count for International Studies? (Sudden jolt as I feel a vibration in my pocket.) Sorry, can I take this?

Phone: Jack?

Zach: Do you mean Zach? This is Zach.

Phone: Yeah, sorry. Zach. This is Brian.

Zach: ...Brian...

Brian: Brian from the Sixers. You said that you'd buy tickets if we signed AI.

Zach: Oh yeah, I'm in a meeting. I promise I'll call you back.

Brian: I look forward to hearing from you.

So is that all it takes? A little determination from a fan to call the team instead of the sports radio airwaves? Hardly. I know that my plea for the return of Allen Iverson had at least a stake in his homecoming. I, along with the rest of Philadelphia, am bored of watching a bunch of second-tier draft picks run around the floor, dunk miss wide open three's, and allow anyone who knows how to dribble a basketball blow by them on the way to the cup. Turns out that a little effort by the fan base can really go a long way.

The 76ers are a team in desperation. Without a single player averaging over 20 points per game since Iverson's departure, this team hasn't had a single player with the ability to take over a game. And after watching years and years of basketball, that is huge. The absence of a go-to-guy has resulted in just 13 playoff wins since that memorable championship run in '01. Now that statistic wasn't meant to depress you, after all there are teams with much worse stretches than that over the past 8 years. Add Allen Iverson to a playoff team that is on the bubble of a series win and the Sixers are back. Back in the news, back in the game, back in contention. The fact that we had 13 playoff wins in that time without a single All-Star? That is unbelievable! How can we expect to win a playoff series when Andre Iguodala is your franchise player? I mean, he's been a Sixer for 5-plus years and I still rely on the Google Search bar at the top righthand corner of my web browser to spell his name! Things aren't allowed to go well when your star player has an un-spellable name 5 years after he was drafted. There's got to be a formula for that somewhere...

Think about this for a minute, the last time Allen Iverson was given free rein to do whatever he wanted when he was on the floor was a little over a year ago when he played every. single. game. All 82. That season Iverson averaged 26 points, 7 assists, 2 steals, and 3 rebounds a game. Vintage AI. After that season he ventured to Motown where he started a game, sat on the bench the next, back and forth until a "back injury" forced him to sit out the rest of the season. I don't think there is anyone out there who believes that Allen would quit a season if he was starting and getting his shots. Iverson was unhappy, didn't get what he wanted on the court and thus pouted and let what I am sure was a real injury become more than it really was.

The argument against bringing back Iverson is that it will hinder the development of our younger players. Well, this just in people: we are in "Win Now Mode." That's why Iggy and Elton Brand are making 13 and 14 million dollars this year respectively. Either that or our front office is even more inept than it was during the Billy King era. I tend to believe that fielding back-to-back playoff teams that took each series to 6 games (one against the eventual Eastern Conference Champs) points towards something positive.

A 5-13 record to start off the 2009-2010 campaign is not the something positive I, or anybody else, had in mind. Is the development of our younger players really supposed to override making the playoffs? Could we really be doing any worse at this juncture in the season? 2 of our 5 wins are against the winless Nets (who as of Wednesday, December 2nd stand at 0-18, the worst start to a season in NBA history). They didn't even start their All-Star point guard, Devin Harris, in either of those games. And, oh yeah, the Sixers topped off those wins by a combined 6 points! I'll let that sink in...

So I ask you: is taking shots away from Willie Green, Andre Iguodala, Thaddeus Young and "Slammy" Dalembert really a bad thing? Shouldn't we be rejoicing? For God's sake - Allen Iverson is back! He has arguably a better supporting cast than any one of his first 10-plus seasons in Philadelphia. His legs, back, body (and mouth) are completely fresh. This man is not even 6 feet tall, only 165 pounds and is 34 years old. His knees aren't causing him problems like many aging 6 foot 6 stars. Iverson's most recent complete season produced the numbers that Philadelphia is accustomed to seeing out of "The Little Guy" as Larry Brown affectionately called him. The man who goes out on the court for "the game I die for" has returned. And with his reemergence maybe we will be treated to what few have witnessed so far. Check out this article on the real AI, something that has stuck with me since it's publication nearly 6 years ago.

He's back folks. Get ready for some jersey-logo thrusting. Some ear-cupping to the crowd. Some drives to the hoop that will resemble David versus Goliath. Some practice (key word there - some practice).

My goal with my conversation with Brian? To bring back The Answer. And guess what? It worked.